Sex and the Gods of Internet Marketing

Whenever I mention my occupation to a non-wired person, it seems to generate the same response:

"Isn't there an awful lot of porn on the net?"

The question floats toward me like a smoke ring and forms a halo around my face, framing me as a pornographer, nymphomaniac, and all-round corrupter of innocence.

I expect that from my mother, but it's not the public image I strive to cultivate. I never have a good response ready.

"Hmmm," I nod coquettishly, "I'll have to look into that."

The subtext of my vapid reply could be "Yes, the internet is a modern-day Gomorrah and I'm in it up to my quivering loins," or, "I really haven't heard that, but I'm so pathetically hard-up that I'm gonna race right home and look."

Neither is what I mean to convey, but the truth is probably just as perverse...

I've never really looked into sex on the net.

I always plan to, but I never do. I think I've always been very nervous about what I might find. Who knows? Maybe I myself would become corrupted - lured into the nether regions of psycho-sexual depravity and cyber-sensual abandon... never, perhaps, to return.

(I shudder at the thought... several times.)

Well, that sort of cloistered naiveté is fine when you're just peddling software and minding your own business, but now that I'm prancing around like an e-marketing guru, I no longer have the luxury of ignoring so large and infamous a part of our venue.

THE DARING SEXPLORATIONS OF LINDA COX!

I have shifted into my Lara Croft/Wonder Woman Intrepid Female Explorer persona and I am now going to begin my Conradian trek into the internet's dark interior.

Wish me luck. Here goes...

Okay, I'm back. Thanks for waiting. I'm prepared to report now.

Yep, it seems that there IS some sexual content on the internet. (Drink, please.) Rather a lot, in fact. (Make it a double.) Funny I never noticed before. (Is it warm in here?) Actually, it's amazing there's room for anything else. (WHERE'S THAT FREAKIN' DRINK!?)

Here's what I learned...

I can never don my Lara Croft/Wonder Woman alter-ego again now that I've seen them locked together in alt.sex.binaries.lesbian.actionheroes in a bout of no-holes-barred lovemaking.

Acts I consider sexually extreme and taboo, many people consider warm-up.

I will never use a public restroom or changing room again. I will never wear a skirt in public again. I will never look at many salad ingredients the same way again.

Certain professions should strictly enforce a much earlier mandatory retirement age.

Everything is a sex toy to someone... EVERYthing.

I found Howard Sprague's private diary online. Goober and Floyd I always suspected, but Otis, Barney, how could you?

Bondage is a cottage industry. I'm not sure what BDSM is, but it looks pretty damn uncomfortable.

I accidentally learned how Vinnie, my pizza delivery kid, made ends meet before landing his present gig.

Some things are better left unshaven.

She-males are the damnedest thing since Mike the Headless Chicken.

THE GODS OF INTERNET MARKETING

Adult website marketers are the most in-your-face, take-no-prisoners, knock-down drag-out rock 'n roll marketers on earth. If I could sell software the way they sell sex, I'd be living on my own island.

IN PRAISE OF CENSORSHIP

Frankly, I very much oppose adult content on the internet. I think it should be legislated out of existence. Here's why:

Sex is the fire in the belly of civilization. If we allow it to become so commonplace that everyone gives up the hot and frenzied pursuit of it, then humanity will just go sit on the couch and watch pro wrestling. And then where will we be?

Sitting on the couch watching pro wrestling, that's where!

About The Author

Linda Cox (J.A.M.G.) was born in a speeding stagecoach amid the screams of fellow passengers as insane, wild-eyed horses dragged them all crashing toward the brink of destruction. That stagecoach was the planet Earth, those passengers were the human race, and Linda Cox is Just Another Marketing Guru. (The horses were just regular horses.) http://www.LindaCox.com/

More resources:

RELATED ARTICLES

At Last, The Real Secret Of Internet Marketing
I am going to share a real secret with you this week. A secret that can be summarized in two words.

Web Marketing: Unusual Tricks Of Internet Marketing Gurus To Attract More Visibility
Do you post to message boards, e-mail discussion lists, classified ads sites, FFA sites or newsgroups?People will usually read the subject line before they read your ad or message, so it's important they get noticed.Below are ten simple, but powerful web marketing tips to get your ads or messages noticed.

Capture Names - They Are Like GOLD Nuggets!!
A landing page is used to capture people's details when they come to your website.It helps to sort out the serious lookers from the curious!If people come to your website and they aren't really that interested in what you have to offer, then they probably won't give you their details to have a look at the inside.

How To Write Effective Safelist Headlines
Your headline is the gateway to your advertisement. It will either entice your reader to continue reading, or turn them of before they've read a single word about your product.

Marketing Using Minisites
When it comes to making money online, there are a wide variety of web sites with different graphics and copy with some being very detailed and some not. The important thing is that both generate cash.

Internet Marketing Guide
If you are considering launching a website for your business or entering the lucrative world of e-commerce by starting an online business, there are a few things you need to keep in mind in order to assure your web site's success. Without taking the time to understand how the Internet and search engines work you will certainly guarantee that no one will see your site.

Marketing Tourism Online, Part One: The Basics
This is part one of an article series which will introduce some basic strategies, considerations, elements, and techniques for marketing tourism products online. We plan to update and refine these articles as situations change and when we have new knowledge to present.

How to Track Online Marketing ROI Using Cost-Per-Action
Forget clicks, page views, and impressions; the only way to effectively track your online marketing ROI is through Cost-per-Action (CPA) analysis.As the online advertising market is poised to grow nearly $10 billion over the next six years, it's essential that we remember the importance of measuring the effectiveness of that spending.

How To Master Internet Marketing
What is the secret of being the best at Internet Marketing? First, and foremost, it's all about basics. What does that mean? Think about the difference between the top earning pro baseball player and one that's making just a normal "salary.

What Are Really The Best Strategies or Ideas for Internet Marketing?
There are many ways for you to do effective Internet Marketing campaigns. The first thing you need to do is build a targeted database of customers.

Build Your Marketing Muscle
During a saxophone lesson the other day I realized how much regular practice can help a part time internet marketer. My teacher taught me a long time ago to just play for 15 minutes a day to progress.

Drive Tons Of Traffic To Your Web Site
If you've got a web site then one of your biggest marketing challenges is how to generate traffic without spending a fortune. Whether you're trying to build your ezine or prospect list or get potential customers to contact you or buy your products or services, getting people to your web site is a must and can be a challenge.

Four Steps To Eliminate Frustration and Turn Your Online Failure Into Internet Success
OK, you've been bustin' your butt trying to make money online, but it's just not working out.You're one step away from tearing down your website and quitting the game forever.

Why Have An Internet Marketing Business?
"The Internet Gold Rush is under way" Bill Gates, chairman Microsoft Corporation.Early settlers understood if you are going to build a community, build it near a permanent, abundant source of fresh water.

A Crystal Ball for Your Web Business
Are you considering launching an eCommerce website? If you are, you may want to take your crystal ball down from the shelf to shed some light on whether or not your business will fare well online. In reality, there is no magic to eCommerce at all, it is all about preparing, thinking and implementing your ideas and products using sound business techniques.

Choosing Effective Programs for Your Internet Marketing Plan
Objectives, strategies, and tactics (i.e.

How To Make Money Online
Catch the cash on the net?in more ways than one.Thousands of dollars in commission? Does the idea sound too good to be true? Well, it's what people like you and me are earning these days.

Six Little Used Online Marketing Strategies
1. Utilize Your KnowledgeDo you have extensive knowledge in a particular subject? Offer people free consulting or advice on that subject via e-mail if in exchange they either link to your web site, run your promotional ad in their e-zine or place your banner ad on their web site for a set period of time.

Internet Marketing Success Requires a Business Plan (Part II)
Formal business planning is a process that takes that "great idea" and subjects it to rigorous scrutiny. It either validates your premise or else shows you where the idea falls apart.

Internet Marketing Online: How To Make Your Customers To Keep Coming Back To Buy From You
There are a few internet marketing online secrets that when implemented, will force your customers to keep coming back to buy from you.Some of the factors that are involved in getting repeat business are: pricing, quality of products and services, excellent customer service etc.