Most of Your Unhappiness in Life is Due to...

I want to share with you today one of those great moments, when you suddenly experience a life changing burst of clarity. When suddenly the answer you're searching for becomes so obvious - it's right there in front of you, and all you can say is "Wow! Why didn't I realise that before?"

This was the first of several moments of awakening for me, following my breakdown in early January 2005. It happened when I heard the following quote, by David Martyn Lloyd-Jones from his book "Spiritual Depression: Its Causes and Cure":

"Most of your unhappiness in life is due to the fact that you are listening to yourself rather than talking to yourself."

Wow!

I'm not sure what effect this just had on you? Perhaps you've heard this idea before. But for me this was life-changing. Although only a part of the puzzle, it was a major part, and it was an exciting moment.

Let's look at what it means.

The first part states, "Most of your unhappiness in life is due to the fact that you are listening to yourself".

Would you let someone else tell you that you're no good, that you're not worthy? You're too fat! You can't do it. You always stuff up. You're too old. You're too young.

Firstly, what right do they had to make your decisions for you, and secondly, do their comments empower or disempower you?

You wouldn't listen to them, would you? So then why are you listening to your thoughts?

Another person's thoughts do NOT define who you are. And similarly, your thoughts do NOT define who you are. They do NOT define reality. You are NOT your thoughts, and you do NOT have to agree with them.

This is empowerment.

If you have not heard this concept before, try listening to your thoughts for a couple of days. Write them down, and I think you'll be incredibly surprised at how negative they actually are.

So what's the answer? Well it's quite simple. As the quote says, talk to yourself.

When you find yourself with unwanted feelings, perhaps anxiety, fear, or jealousy, step back and observe your mind because you'll always find negative thoughts.

Don't listen to them. Talk to yourself, and replace them with what you want to hear. Something that empowers you! There is only room for one thought at a time, so why don't you be the one to decide what that thought will be.

So for example, if your mind is saying "She'll never go out with me. I'm a loser. She'll just laugh", why not replace that with "She'll be lucky to go out with me, because I'm a nice guy. And if she's not interested, at least I'll know, and my confidence will be boosted so much because this time I had the courage to ask."

Next time your mind says, "I knew I couldn't stick to that diet. I'm going to be fat forever", why not replace it with "Well, I slipped up a little, but I'm making good progress on this diet. Let's keep going, because I'm looking better and better everyday."

Try it. Yes, in the beginning it's harder than it sounds because you're dealing with a massive tide of negativity, but I promise it gets easier the more you do it. And in time, it will be automatic - your subconscious will be trained to give you positive thoughts rather than negative.

If you catch a negative thought, replace it with a positive. This is your life! Make sure you're the one in control. Live life to its fullest. Love life, and BE HAPPY!

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Lance Beggs is the author of the "How to be Happy Now" newsletter. His mission is to help others live a life of meaning, love & happiness!

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